August 4, 2007 – Saturday

We enjoyed our time off on Friday. R. and I checked out Hollywood Slots for the first time. That was cool. I lost 10 bucks and R. won about 50 so that was okay. He made enough so that we picked T. up at home and went and had free lunch at Applebee’s and then hung out at Borders afterwards and T. and I got a book. We still had time to kill after Borders (before picking up J. and S.) so we went back to the slots and and put in the last $10 of what we had designated earlier as our “casino money” and lost but that’s okay because we still came out ahead.
We lost our electricity last night so we all sat in the dark and S. was in bed, sleeping lightly with the thunder and lightening waking her every so often in addition to the fact that, since we had no electricity, it was freaking hot with not fans running. R. and T. feel asleep in the livingroom, and soon J., while I was babbling and making up stupid songs, singing, humming, whatever. I couldn’t fall asleep out there (which is kind of funny because if I’m trying to watch a show I usually fall asleep) and eventually T. got up and went to bed, I carried J. off to bed, and R. and I followed. I guess we had all stayed out there hoping that the storm would pass, the TV would come back on, and we could get back to the usual nightly business of reruns or whatnot. But I woke up at 5:00 am thinking I heard something crash in the bathroom, and it was the thunderstorm still booming just as strong as 7 hours before.
So I’ve already read about 120 pages of The Success Principles (How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be). It is all stuff I’ve heard before, just a refresher and motivator basically about setting goals, reaching out of your comfort zone to get to the next level in life, and the power of positive thoughts, etc. I am already putting it to use by instead of telling Jamie, “Don’t slam the door” (because what is really heard is “slam the door”), I’ve been telling her “Quietly close the door please” in hopes to break her of the door slamming habit. When she gets into trouble and has to write “I will not (whine/lie/talk back/etc) 50 times, I will try to remember to have her write instead “I feel like a big girl when I (talk nicely/tell the truth/etc)” but it’s a longer sentence so maybe I’ll only make her write it 25 times.
I have always had goals and I remember writing things down when I was a kid or teenager, things I would do someday – get married, have kids, own a car, own a house, fly in a plane, go on a rollercoaster, be actress/singer/writer, etc. Well, I have listened to my voice recorded on tape and now know that I can NOT sing, I don’t really have the desire anymore to be an actress, and I haven’t yet reached my goal of being an author.
I’ve had goals recently – I don’t work at a convenience store anymore making $10,000 a year with no benefits, I work at a hospital making somewhere in the 30 thousands with great benefits including insurance, paid time off, a retirement plan, nobody looking over my shoulder all the time, etc. I finally got married to a great guy (who I convinced to move here by saying “take a leap” with a book I sent him). We own a home, and a car that I don’t have to say a prayer over before starting and that doesn’t have a rope tied from the door to the passenger seat to hold the door shut like I did only 8-10 years ago.
I think we’re doing pretty well, but we’re on a plateau. I have completely lost the mindset of having goals and going forward and beyond, and out of my comfort zone. We are comfortable. I need some goals and some motivation to reach them. I keep saying I need a new job, we need more money, I wish I could do this, I wish you would do that. I need to say I am getting a new job, we are going to make $100,000 a year by the year 2010, I am writing a bestseller, you are (fill in the blank – what’s you goal?) If people don’t keep setting new goals, they don’t grow.
I was really proud of R. when he was going to go for the assistant management program at work back a few years ago. It was a goal to better himself and our family. Then there were roadblocks – what if they want to move me to another store, what if they want me to go at the drop of a hat to the Lincoln store, what if they want to move me out of state, what if…? The worst that would happen is you get through training, they want you to move, then you have to make a decision – move or take what you’ve learned and that extra bullet on your resume elsewhere. One of the roadblocks was not having a liscence and being able to transport wherever. He tried to go through that roadblock – didn’t work, so if you can’t go straight you go left or right, left being take a cab, right being who knows, we’ll think of what happens when you turn right. Either that or just say “yeee haaaaaw” like Bo Duke and jump it. Take a leap.
We had a goal together of writing, maybe it wasn’t a real goal to him, but it was always a goal to me since I was a kid trying to copy VC Andrews’ style on my old manual typewriter. I need to write and I need to focus on it. My job, which is not my ultimate goal – just something to help fullfill the goals of having a home and a car right now, is really a roadblock to my real goal. I saw S. as a roadblock – but not anymore – she is an experience I can write about to help bring me to my goal. Having kids in general has hindered me short-term but I think helped me in the long-term. Maybe I would be a baglady right now if I had never had them or maybe I’d be a billionaire. So hun, you and I, we have some goals. You are losing weight, which is awesome (my husband needs a new belt and some new clothes soon!) and I have a goal (look, I’m writing something!), let’s have more together. No, I didn’t mean sex, I meant goals, but okay, sex too. Remember “take a leap” and let’s dance in the kitchen every night like we planned four years ago.

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