September 22, 2007 – Saturday

This is ADHD
I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately since my daughter was diagnosed and it has shed some light on things in my own life.
This is ADHD:
I HATE small talk. I am horrible at it and it annoys me, and I am most horrible at conversation when there is a group and I usually don’t say a word (not so bad if I know the group well). I am best at conversation when it’s just with one or two other people, but I like conversation with substance and with a point.
I hate when people walk slow in front of me down a corridor and people are going each way and you can’t pass and have to back off so you don’t step on their heels.
I have learned to be patient and slow down when driving though but only because I have increased anxiety when driving as I’ve gotten older (especially with having totaled a car and had a fender bender all in the course of last year) and driving on the interstate now makes me crazy – I hate getting passed by big trucks so I slow down to like 60. And that fact that I can’t read a sign until I’m right up on it, but this has more to do with not having my glasses I lost a year ago.
And about losing things, I am CONSTANTLY am misplacing my debit card. And I sometimes lose important papers in clutter piles at home and at work. My house has many clutter piles of paperwork and stuff I need to go through and sort or throw away. (Will I ever?)
I hate it that at work I feel like I have tons more work than anybody else and that most other people do one thing at a time – finish one task and then move on to the next – while I am constantly doing at least 6 different things at one time while 6 other things I have to do are rolling around in my brain, along with thoughts about my kids, what’s going to be for supper, I’d rather be online writing, I need to get on msn and check my email, I need to check my work email, oh – so and so needs this right away so I’ll start on that… it goes on and on!
In addition to my full time job and 3 kids and husband, I try to make money online so I do ebay. Then I signed up for a writing website that pays for articles. Then another, then another. Then a website that lets you create a shop that you make a % for people clicking on your stuff that leads to other websites, then I did cafepress.com, I put a book of my poems together to sell with lulu.com, I’ve researched ADHD meds and natural alternatives to meds, I found an ADHD website and signed up, I do surveys online and inbox dollars. I read Bangor Daily News online and jobhunting websites. I post stuff on my myspace page – see where I’m going with this? I am usually jumping around from thing to thing.
Speaking of jumping around – I’ve done that with relationships too. I have three kids all ranging 4 to 7 years apart. They each have a different last name. I can’t seem to keep interested in relationships very long once they aren’t new and exciting anymore, however I am finally married and hopefully this one will stick!
My husband can remember details of things he did and conversations he had 25 years ago. I cannot remember details of anything or any conversation from even last week. I have a horrible memory and only certain things from the past jump out at me.
I have lost touch with friends, gotten in touch after many years, and just basically check up on their myspace and actually lose interest in getting back in touch and never make plans (sorry, it’s not really a loss of interest as much as it is just hard to keep my attention long enough for me to actually get to the point of picking up a phone and calling when I have all these other things I’m thinking about!)
In school I think I had a new best friend almost every year! I don’t know any of them anymore. And I couldn’t keep up with school work. I brought home tons of homework and would stay up for hours “doing homework” but could never stay focussed on it and complete much of it. I’ve tried college twice – I did well in my courses because I liked them and wanted to take them, but getting a degree is not instantly gratifying enough for me.
And I hate that I have about a dozen craft projects unfinished –
A partially finished latch hook rug from 15 yrs ago
a couple of sweaters and a poncho I had started 3-5 years ago for my older daughter
a baby blanket I started when I was pregnant with my younger daughter – she’s almost 4
Just to name a few.
I bought yarn for a scarf I never even started that one!
I’ve bought knitting needles, crochet hooks, knitting rings, pattern books – never use them.
And I have so many ideas floating around in my brain for different projects I could do, some I could sell on ebay, but I can just never get started.
Will I ever write a book like I want to? If so, it will probably be the most spectacular bestseller list worthy book except it will have no ending and piss people off!

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