Had she known she would die that day, maybe she would have made a different choice.
Maybe she would have told him how she really felt.
They say hindsight is 20/20.
You needed some concept of time in order to dwell on things, and time wasn’t the same after. Time didn’t really pass. There was no minute or week, no waiting, no future. Time existed only as snapshots of life. She stood motionless as moments flashed into place and faded out of view around her.
She possessed a sense of awareness that she would join the physical world again, but a concept of ‘when’ did not exist here so there was no hoping or looking forward, just being and knowing. ‘Here’ didn’t even really exist. It wasn’t a place. She didn’t understand it herself, she just knew that she existed.
It’s not every day you get a second chance, she recalled from somewhere in her memory.
Her memory of him was vivid.
His face appeared before her as clear as the day she left him. They were under the water again. She latched onto him, pulling and kicking with every bit of her strength. She was the one trying to bring him back to the surface, desperate to save him – like he had tried to do for her, before.
Then, as she descended from the womb and emerged into the world again, alone, his face disappeared. Light, cold, noise and hunger bombarded her senses but she could not yet interpret these annoyances and inconveniences with this new body.
She had the vague memory of drowning with someone and as hard as she tried, she couldn’t keep the the visions of him from sinking deeper and deeper into the darkest trenches of her mind. At the moment of her birth, he had slipped from her grasp and was gone.
No longer weightless, this new world pressed down heavily on her body from all angles. She gasped her first breath and cleared her lungs with heartbroken screams as everyone around her smiled lovingly at this new miracle they called Lilah.