Why? Because this isn’t what I fucking signed up for.
Because this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Because I don’t have the energy or the will to deal with it anymore. Because I don’t care. I want to. But I just don’t feel like I do. I said the words “We could start over. We don’t have to go through with this one.” That’s what I wanted if I wanted anything at all really. I know there are no guarantees. Now I just want my life. 17 years ago I started. I feel like I should be done. I can’t do this anymore.
(8/19/09 – that was a rough patch. Things are better. Things are falling into place. Sometimes it’s just hard and these are the thoughts and feelings that want to and need to come out. I need to update, post a new blog, but no time right now.)