Why? Because this isn’t what I fucking signed up for.
Because this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Because I don’t have the energy or the will to deal with it anymore. Because I don’t care. I want to. But I just don’t feel like I do. I said the words “We could start over. We don’t have to go through with this one.” That’s what I wanted if I wanted anything at all really. I know there are no guarantees. Now I just want my life. 17 years ago I started. I feel like I should be done. I can’t do this anymore.
(8/19/09 – that was a rough patch. Things are better. Things are falling into place. Sometimes it’s just hard and these are the thoughts and feelings that want to and need to come out. I need to update, post a new blog, but no time right now.)
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Published by Laurie
It isn't easy being the parent of a child with special needs (youngest of three kids), let alone being in my mid - 40's. I have my ups and downs. I try to do all I can for her but I’ve put my life and goals on hold several times and I’ve realized I have to do things for myself to be the best I can be for her. I have times when I feel like she is the best thing in my life because she taught me unconditional love and patience. But I also go through bouts of feeling like a wedge has been placed between myself and my dreams and I feel hopeless. These are some of my thoughts, goals, achievements, rants and breakdowns as Sarah’s mom.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom
-Maya Angelou
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