Out of My Element

Wow. Amazing how going to a family member’s party where you don’t know over half of the people there and hardly know most of the family there, and then getting home and having no phone messages (typical), no emails, and zero people on Facebook chat, zero comments, and zero messages, can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world. FML

I never want to go to another one of those again. Partly social anxiety I guess, partly I guess because any closeness I might have had with my family if any, is long lost. I don’t know. Being out of our comfort zone with Sarah is not fun either. I’m fine having people over at my own house, in mine and Sarah’s own comfort zone, even if I don’t know everyone who comes I’m fine and can be a good host and sociable (like Ty’s going away party where his friends families and some of his dad’s girlfriend’s family came). But elsewhere, forget it.

We only stayed an hour, but at least we made an appearance I guesss. Sarah wanted to hold hands and walk back and forth through my aunt’s house the whole time, but about the time she started smacking people and trying to grab their food, we were done.

Well, I talked most to my uncle C, my cousin J, and Aunt J and her friend S. Exchanged a few words with cousin M, a few with cousin B (thought I don’t know her well enough to even think of her as my cousin), very minimal with anyone else, hello and bye to my grandmother, her daughter who is my – I guess – step-aunt, and her teen daughter was nice with Sarah, and we said hello and bye to my aunt’s husband on the way out. I don’t know any of the kids there.

I just feel like I don’t fit in there at all. My mom and her husband didn’t show. Maybe they didn’t even know about it. None of my other cousins ever come to these things. My sis is in TN so of course I miss her and my niece and nephew, who should be suffering through along with me, and my daugher Jamie, poor girl doesn’t know any of the kids there. I tried to create an opening for her to meet them but that didn’t work. These 3 girls were running back and forth between a couple of rooms when Jamie and I were walking with Sarah. I asked one of the girls how old they all were. She said she was 9, and the other girls were 11 and 12. So I said, oh, have you met Jamie? This is Jamie, she’s 10. And the 3 girls just stopped and stared for a few minutes and Jamie just stood there, and then the girls were off and running again. I never thought of Jamie as shy. Usually she isn’t, but I guess she was also out of her element. Ugh. This happens about once a year MAYBE, and it’s the same every time.

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