Well that was quick…

Received my automated rejection email from Macy’s today.  Figures.  I even answered that stupid questionnaire the way Ron said
 after I flunked the Lowe’s questionnaire – strongly agree/disagree, no wishy-washy in-between answers.  I can’t help that I don’t see things in black and white, I see shades of gray.  But I answered the questions the “right” way and still flunked.  Can’t win.  Well, it’s not a terrible thing I guess because retail isn’t exactly where I want to spend my life, but at least it would have been a job.  The psych tech job is the one I’d really like to get an interview for anyway, and if I don’t hear from that one, I’ll keep applying.  They always have openings.  I’m thinking if I have to get a “real job” (rather than count on my flighty aspirations), back in the medical field is probably just where I belong.

So, I spend my day reading inspirational, self-motivational books and blogs, trying to improve my attitude and aptitude to set and reach goals, I try to be positive and happy.  I try to share what I learn and try to get hubby on board with me to set some goals and I get blank looks, nothing in the way of encouragement, support, or on-boardness, and I wonder if – no, I know – we have gone in different directions.  Of course, he gets the blank look from me with things that he talks about too, which is mostly work.  I at least encourage him to reach his goals at work, I just hate HEARING about work all of the time or see him spending his days off talking on the phone with work, looking at paperwork from work, or napping – okay “reading” his book which turns into napping.  We are both here, but not really here together.

It’s like we want different things and have different interests and don’t even really know each other anymore – if we ever did.  That’s what you get I guess when you meet someone and marry them after knowing them just a short time online.  But no, that’s not the entire reason.  I just tend grow out of people eventually, like a kid grows out of their favorite comfy jeans.  They become too clingy and constricting until they just no longer suit you.  I constantly change and I see so many people are the same exact person they were 10, 15 years ago.  They never change.  He has changed and his definitely improved from how he was before he met me.  I think I’ve had a positive effect on him, I’m just not sure I can say I’ve gotten the same.  I get an enabler rather than someone who helps keep me in line and stay focused.  Meh, I don’t know.  Just a lot of contemplation lately on a lot of things.

Edit – Well, I got that all off my chest but as I’ve gone back to reading and had time to think myself out of my negative thoughts, I realize I need to learn to stop being so critical, stop expecting others to change and be the exact person I want them to be, and be more accepting and love unconditionally.  Need to be more appreciative, show more gratitude, and treat the person closest to me with the respect I’d give a friend and not take them for granted.  Treat each other as if today is our last, say goodbye as if we’ll never see each other again.

Good thing:  I have not looked at Facebook at all today.

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