I love S, but so often I honestly feel like I’m just marking time waiting for her to grow up so I can have a life. I am not enjoying raising her.
*Edit: Please understand, it’s been a long school vacation week – just a taste of what it will be like during the summer except the weather will be nicer then… And Ron having to work 13 hours (at a week’s notice) and no dayhab because of the holiday yesterday really took a toll on me. But yes, generally, honestly, caring for S. is not a fun time for me – it really is not. It’s kind of a bitch. But I’m doing it the best that I can. Mainly, I have to stop being resentful and instead enjoy the time I DO have to myself and when I say I’m going to take off for the day (like I had planned to on Thursday and didn’t, then Saturday and didn’t), I need to just do it, relax, and take care of my own needs more.
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Published by Laurie
It isn't easy being the parent of a child with special needs (youngest of three kids), let alone being in my mid - 40's. I have my ups and downs. I try to do all I can for her but I’ve put my life and goals on hold several times and I’ve realized I have to do things for myself to be the best I can be for her. I have times when I feel like she is the best thing in my life because she taught me unconditional love and patience. But I also go through bouts of feeling like a wedge has been placed between myself and my dreams and I feel hopeless. These are some of my thoughts, goals, achievements, rants and breakdowns as Sarah’s mom.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom
-Maya Angelou
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