“Are you sure you want to do that?”
My family has come to the consensus I’m not patient enough to do Literacy Volunteers. I’m glad they know me so well and saved me from getting in over my head. Phew. Close one! Good thing because I don’t even know myself anymore after spending the last 23+ years raising kids. God forbid I should get involved in some things outside of driving everyone around to all of their crap, cooking, laundry and wiping up poop. Gosh, I should probably just knit.
Yeah, I’m a little upset that 23+ years of my life raising kids, encouraging them to do what interests them, cheering them on, being there for them and this is what I get. This is what they think of me. Two grown and almost grown people I taught to read think I’m too impatient to teach people who want to learn to read. I would love to be teaching Sarah to read if she had the capability. I’ve become more patient with each kid. It’s just really upsetting they think so little of me.
But maybe they’re right. I was close to getting a job as a direct support professional and one of my daughter’s CNA managers asked, “Are you sure you want to do that?” Reasonable question since I already spend my time taking care of Sarah. She wasn’t questioning my patience. It did, however, feel as though she was questioning my own knowledge of myself.
And I really don’t know myself. After years of doing nothing for me, I’m trying to find myself outside of the identity of “Mom”. Some things interest me. If I find I’m not cut out for it or it no longer interests me, I’ll move on. Just like my older daughter did with soccer and cheering. Just like my son did with the Democrat party and ROTC.
I guess I’ll still go the the Literacy Volunteers information meeting. And I’ll still go to the Ronald McDonald House meeting I have set up to talk with them about volunteering. And I’ll still go to classes at the YMCA. Yoga. Tabata. Aqua Circuit. I even went to a Unitarian Universalist Church service yesterday for the first time. I almost didn’t because I was a little late trying to find a parking space and hate walking into something late.
This has been a week of starting new things.
Am I sure I want to do this? Yes. Do you know why? Because keeping busy is the best way to keep from lying around at home depressed and crying all day. Some of these things help other people. Do you know why it’s good to help other people? One: Because many people need help (everyone does at some point or other) and not enough people take the time to do for others. Two: Helping other people actually helps yourself. It comes back to that reason of keeping busy keeps you from lying around depressed. Helping people who want and need your help makes you feel good because they appreciate you. Yes, it’s nice to feel appreciated, I hear.