Sad, Sad, and More Sad

I’m sad tonight because my daughter’s hurting and I can’t fix it and don’t have the right words or anything to help.

I’m sad tonight because my period always puts me in a crying mood.

I’m sad because I have no idea if things will ever be right with my sister and I, no matter what effort we try to make.

I’m sad because of depression and social anxiety which have made me push anyone who was a friend or potential friend away and makes it impossible to meet anyone new. Hate Meetups, hate big groups. The couple of volunteer things I tried to get involved in (and currently don’t have time for) turned out to be bad choices for meeting people.

I’m sad because my left arm keeps hurting off and on (like carpal tunnel but my whole forearm) and my hand will be fine and then I’ll move wrong and it feels like a broken bone shifting out of place or something. That was from when I fell a few months ago.I still don’t have a primary care doctor. My vision sucks, my hearing sucks, my feet hurt, shoulder cracks, knees crack, I feel like I’m falling apart.

I’m sad because Sarah’s summer school ends after two more days.

I’m sad because I haven’t done anything special with Jamie this summer (again) and I feel like I haven’t been a good enough parent to help nurture her interests and be the mom who knows other moms to give her a baseline of friends. She used to have lots of friends though. I feel like she’s more like me now and had been too boyfriend focused and now he’s hurt her.

I’m sad because I haven’t seen my oldest in a while.

I’m sad because I think about people who’s lives I feel like I ruined and I feel guilty about that and like I’m feeling the karma.

I had a bunch more but that’s all I can come up with now.

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