He comes in from mowing the lawn and says he’s just taking a break to get a drink. He looks around at the floor and asks if I’ve swept yet (because the floor looks pretty clean but there are a couple things here and there). And I say “well not yet”, we both look at his shoes covered with grass and I add “but I’d rather not have to”. And before I have five seconds to get up and say I’ll get him a drink, he turns around and starts to head back out the door saying, “I can wait till I’m done.” I get up and I’m like “I can get you a drink…” and he stops and says “oh OK” and I go and get him a drink and I’m like “why would you think I wouldn’t get you a drink?” This is my husband, not my son by the way. I was literally just sitting on the couch with a basket of clothes sitting in front of me that I was going to start folding but I was just on my phone. I mean he’s mowing the lawn, he’s hot and he’s thirsty.. I care. It’s just so fucking weird like he doesn’t come out and say stuff, he talks in a roundabout way. He could’ve just walked in and said “hey do you mind grabbing me a glass of water?” Here he’s been bringing me coffee all morning, cooking breakfast, he did dishes before he cooked breakfast while I was lounging with Sarah, and he took a load down to put in the wash and brought up the load I was getting ready to fold. He is out there mowing the lawn and what kind of person have I been for him to think I won’t get him a drink or he can’t ask me to get him a drink? And like everything is said in a roundabout way like that. And sometimes it’s like he’s trying to ask me for help or something with Sarah but he’s says it by saying something to Sarah. Maybe I’m more like a guy where you have to ask me things directly. I don’t get hints (or I do but hate having to read between the lines), but given five seconds I was actually going to get up and get a drink for him (and did).. The whole communication style is just irritating. Was it always like this? I don’t think so. Did I train him to be like this? It’s like a mom and kid thing and it’s gross. I want a husband not a kid. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women say that, too, but then they go on treating their husbands like kids. Am I really that controlling? Because I’ve always told him I don’t even like it when someone asks him to go do something and he says “well let me check with the boss” meaning me. I told him early on I’ve always hated that term and he doesn’t have to check with me to see if he can do something I mean yeah do we have plans already is a good question to ask if he can’t remember, but he doesn’t have to ask for my permission to go out and do something. I don’t expect to be treated that way myself either and he doesn’t treat me that way. I can pretty much do whatever I want. But anyway the whole communication thing. I’ve just noticed a pattern and it’s really irritating to have to play guessing games to figure out what he wants even when it’s something as simple to figure out as a drink of water. Or maybe he took the water but he actually wanted a beer?
Published by Laurie
It isn't easy being the parent of a child with special needs (youngest of three kids), let alone being in my mid - 40's. I have my ups and downs. I try to do all I can for her but I’ve put my life and goals on hold several times and I’ve realized I have to do things for myself to be the best I can be for her. I have times when I feel like she is the best thing in my life because she taught me unconditional love and patience. But I also go through bouts of feeling like a wedge has been placed between myself and my dreams and I feel hopeless. These are some of my thoughts, goals, achievements, rants and breakdowns as Sarah’s mom. View all posts by Laurie