Mental Health Day

So I took a mental health day off today. This week has been kind of miserable. Just when I found out we could go down to part-time hours for the summer, my counterpart at work accepted another job and gave her notice, so that kind of changes that situation. And before the part-time news, I had been giving myself until the end of this month to look for care for Sarah – since she only gets 20 hours a week with a BHP – and decide to stay or give notice to get done for the summer. I haven’t been getting any response and now there’s no way I’m going to part-time, so I’m going to feel like a jerk giving notice right after the other front desk person gave notice. But I guess they should have plenty of time to find someone. The thing is, pretty much from day one I’ve known that I’m not cut out for this job and it’s not where I’m going to stay, but hey it was full-time and paid off some things. I have learned from this job that I have to do something that aligns with my own values and not to just do something for the money. Because there’s no way that I can converse and promote our services the way the other receptionist does. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve been miserable thr entire time I’ve worked there. I thought that working at a chiropractor’s office would align better with me, but I canceled an interview I was supposed to have last night for a part-time office position because after looking further through their Facebook page, I found they offer a lot of the cosmetic medical spa-type things that we offer at my current work that I’m just not going to try myself and promote to people. I have to find some purpose in what I do and at least I can say that I served a purpose at my current workplace because they had an easier time getting through the winter where someone else would have had to cover the other receptionist who was out sick a lot and hospitalized a couple times, so I think my purpose there was to get them through the winter and serve as back-up for that lady. Other than that, I can’t really find any purpose in what I do there. I think I’ve decided I want to get out of the whole medical field all together. I want nothing to do with insurance prior authorizations and dealing with insurance companies. I don’t want to have to promote and sell products and services that I don’t believe in. And I really need to get out of the front office or office setting in general. I don’t know. Every job I have, I end up being the person who has to answer the phones and be the front facing customer service person, neither of which I am cut out for unless I’m answering calls and facing customers about something I’m knowledgeable about and love. So I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a profession, so I can’t be the person that the front office people are answering phones for. I just don’t know right now. Maybe I need a job cleaning rooms in a hotel or making sandwiches and pizzas in the back kitchen like the old days or something. I just know I’m not where I want to be. I thought a chiropractor’s office would be perfect for me, but when they offer some of the same anti-aging and body sculpting-type services, I just can’t. I thought they were more about nutrition and natural health. I just had a bad feeling and decided to listen to my gut for a change. Looking at the hours they were offering and the hours they’re open, they’re probably looking for the single office person to cover every office function the entire time they’re open, and I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be the frontlines and phone person anymore. I just can’t deal with that shit. So yeah, I am taking a me day which I’m spending doing dishes and laundry and talking to my blog right now. I guess at least I’m getting it out and sorting out my thoughts. I just needed a day to not be sitting there at that desk all day answering phone calls from people wanting to ask questions about shit that I don’t want to have to answer questions about. I guess I’m judgemental, but I just want to tell people you don’t need this shit. Why do you think you need this shit? So I’m sitting here folding laundry and getting this off my chest anyway. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with my life. I’m too old to still be thinking this way.

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