It’s been almost 8 months since I’ve even looked at this blog. A month short of your one year anniversary with her. I really did well getting over things. Stayed busy at home as mom, surviving the pandemic and figuring out life. But lately, I’ve been breaking down more often. I guess because we’re coming up on a year. I know though, that we wouldn’t have lasted through this. I remember watching that movie and knowing that if there was an “aploptypus”, you wouldn’t be my “friend for the end of the world”. You’d be there. I’d be here.
I have had no motivation to make art anymore. I’ve been in limbo. No idea what to do with my life. Been thinking a lot. I’ve met more people than I should’ve the past several months during all of the hysteria. I’ve learned a lot the past few months and have realized you were just a sugar daddy. A terrible one at that. Splenda maybe. An experience daddy for sure. You definitely gave me a lot of experiences I never would’ve had and probably never will again.
I’ve been finding my own way though. I’ve done things I only fantasized about doing when I was with you. I can be myself now. I know my worth. I wish I had found it a decade or more ago. I would never settle for feelings again. Never will I ever let myself get drawn into something like that again. I knew my purpose all along – I told you – and you confirmed it when you made your choice. And I just keep seeing more and more proof, that all men are liars and cheaters, and so I’ll use that to my advantage. And you know what? I’m happy now. And roses never smelled more beautiful. Sugar never tasted so sweet. You are a distant memory and the rest are all nothing to me but a pile of Benjamins.