Roundabout Communication

He comes in from mowing the lawn and says he’s just taking a break to get a drink. He looks around at the floor and asks if I’ve swept yet (because the floor looks pretty clean but there are a couple things here and there). And I say “well not yet”, we both look at his shoes covered with grass and I add “but I’d rather not have to”. And before I have five seconds to get up and say I’ll get him a drink, he turns around and starts to head back out the door saying, “I can wait till I’m done.” I get up and I’m like “I can get you a drink…” and he stops and says “oh OK” and I go and get him a drink and I’m like “why would you think I wouldn’t get you a drink?” This is my husband, not my son by the way. I was literally just sitting on the couch with a basket of clothes sitting in front of me that I was going to start folding but I was just on my phone. I mean he’s mowing the lawn, he’s hot and he’s thirsty.. I care. It’s just so fucking weird like he doesn’t come out and say stuff, he talks in a roundabout way. He could’ve just walked in and said “hey do you mind grabbing me a glass of water?” Here he’s been bringing me coffee all morning, cooking breakfast, he did dishes before he cooked breakfast while I was lounging with Sarah, and he took a load down to put in the wash and brought up the load I was getting ready to fold. He is out there mowing the lawn and what kind of person have I been for him to think I won’t get him a drink or he can’t ask me to get him a drink? And like everything is said in a roundabout way like that. And sometimes it’s like he’s trying to ask me for help or something with Sarah but he’s says it by saying something to Sarah. Maybe I’m more like a guy where you have to ask me things directly. I don’t get hints (or I do but hate having to read between the lines), but given five seconds I was actually going to get up and get a drink for him (and did).. The whole communication style is just irritating.  Was it always like this? I don’t think so. Did I train him to be like this? It’s like a mom and kid thing and it’s gross. I want a husband not a kid. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women say that, too, but then they go on treating  their husbands like kids. Am I really that controlling?  Because I’ve always told him I don’t even like it when someone asks him to go do something and he says “well let me check with the boss” meaning me. I told him early on I’ve always hated that term and he doesn’t have to check with me to see if he can do something I mean yeah do we have plans already is a good question to ask if he can’t remember, but he doesn’t have to ask for my permission to go out and do something. I don’t expect to be treated that way myself either and he doesn’t treat me that way. I can pretty much do whatever I want.  But anyway the whole communication thing. I’ve just noticed a pattern and it’s really irritating to have to play guessing games to figure out what he wants even when it’s something as simple to figure out as a drink of water. Or maybe he took the water but he actually wanted a beer?

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Why was PT never recommended after c-sections?

I’ve had three c-sections.I was looking up abdominal/core exercises for my fat pooch belly and finding stuff about the best and worst ones for women who have had c-sections (muscles no longer work and have to be retrained, don’t do crunches) plus scar massage to prevent or correct issues caused by improper healing and scarring of multiple stitched layers on the inside and correcting pelvic floor issues and problems from organs being moved around. Feeling a little pissed off now that doctors recommend physical therapy after every other surgery to get muscles back in working order but not once was it mentioned after any of my three c-sections. Watch for signs of infection, take your meds, don’t lift anything heavier than your baby or go up and down stairs for x amount of time. No PT or exercise recommendations. Not even in 2003 when Sarah was born. There was probably stuff on the Internet by then but all I was searching was ring chromosome 22 so I have no clue. Moral of the story I guess is sometimes you have to be your own doctor. Plus maybe don’t wait 13, 17, 25 years to look into surgery recovery. 😛

Belief

When I hear “I have strong beliefs”, I hear:

“I have limiting beliefs.”
” I am closed-minded.”
“I know it all already.”
“I have nothing more to learn.”
“I refuse to listen to you.”
“I’m right.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I won’t change my mind.”
“I’m better than you.”

None of my beliefs have ever been so strongly held that they can’t be changed because of a personal experience or if I read or hear something that makes more sense than what I originally believed. I may research an idea further and decide to change my mind.

I am open-minded, I have curiosity and the desire to learn, and my mind is malleable. I know there is more to life and death and the universe than any of us can possibly know but, oxymoronically,  I know there is no limit to what I can learn, do, and be if I so desire. I did not always hold this belief.